Wednesday, 24 October 2012

Illuminate the underture

The world can rest easy knowing that the terrorists are short a flashlight. Yes, now the terrorists cannot operate under cover of darkness for fear of bumping into walls, and stuff. So now maybe that "see something say something" neighbourhood snitch program will work more effectively with the terrorist ninjas forced to operate @ high-noon. I will certainly sleep just a little better at night.

Oh, but wait a second... They still have internet, so maybe I should continue to lie awake rocking back and forth all night cowering in my fear that the boogerman is busy surfing porn and buying thermonuclear devices on eBay. Maybe some government body can protect me from evil terrorist porn surfers when they are done blowing up flashlights, or fleshlights. Maybe the UN can simply declare that using the internet to surf terrorist porn, or buy thermonuclear devices on eBay, or sending encrypted messages in a plot to take over the world via USENET is illegal (I'm pretty sure the only encrypted messages on USENET are CIA bait). The UN declaring torture and other such war crimes as being illegal worked splendidly just ask convicted war criminals Cheney and Bush... (And I am surprised if there isn't already some law about thermonuclear devices being sold on eBay... Maybe that was a 5 per client limit...)

If anybody out there honestly thinks we aren't living in a police state which perpetrates it's own terrorist acts in order to justify it's own existence, I'd really love to hear your argument. Because all I see are Agents supplying plans, (fake) bombs, money, and support to people who are not intelligent enough to devise this plan themselves, and too stupid to realize: this plan I was handed, these explosives I was given, all this support I received, maybe it's a trap? This is not a 'lone gunman', this is a hapless idiot allowing himself to be controlled  and manipulated every step of the way, conveniently, he's also a brown dude named Mohamed with links to Al Qaeda (his brother-in-law's former roommates 3rd cousin's next-door neighbour was even in Iraqn once) and WHO DRANK MILK STRAIGHT FROM THE CARTON (the horror! death to milk carton drinker! death to milk carton drinker!) AND it may have been RAW milk (OMG! shoot him before he infects others).

Maybe I'll be killed by a terrorist some day... but the odds are greater that I'll be killed by a bus driver, or a rabid coyote with half an ear missing, or even a rogue piece of flying fruit, than by a terrorist. Ebola from an unsanitary meat packing plant: sure, terrorists: unlikely.

Regardless of the odds, every single day we challenge death, in fact, today I beat my record for most consecutive days without dying! If I try really hard, though, I know I can beat it again. I can't just sit and wait until my government decides to outlaw sharp cornered coffee tables in fear of someday cracking my head on one. And I certainly don't need them outlawing the only source of media that isn't completely owned by the big 6.

Oh, and the spectacular waste of resources being spent on blowing up suspicious fleshlights is something none of us want to see tax money wasted on. Do you think if this suspicious flashlight were called in from the projects in Camden that anybody would have even bothered to show up? I thought not.


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