Through the years I've taught myself a great many things, guitar, programming, network administration, business management, inventory systems, and likely a number of things I've completely forgotten about. I've come to understand that ultimately these skills all stem from being a free-thinking problem solver rather than any other label one might try to place upon me. I realize that I owe these abilities to those who happened to be available and willing to lend their knowledge and time to either myself, or the project I was working on at the time. I also understand that unseen hands pointed me in the direction I needed to go, which is something that has really come into focus in recent years.
Lately, though, it is feeling more like knowledge is coming to me via some form of osmosis. While it's true that I have plenty of experience and history with computing and technology, I am reciting statistics I've never read and somehow being accurate, or, looking at problems I've never seen and solving them with no research with a high probability of being correct. This is not to say I am making no procedural or clerical errors at the new job, but then I've never been one to blindly follow rules until I fully grasp the 'why' behind them (wink). Besides, there are a great many things which can only be properly learned through the process of making mistakes, so long as those mistakes don't include packing your own parachute improperly, or not lighting a match to find the gas leak.
I've finally come to understand that my inability to find a comfortable niche in this world is not some family curse, but rather the gift of seeing that there is not much to take comfort in unless simply knowing that 'all is not right with the world and why' is supposed to be enough... Which, to one who solves problems, simply knowing can never be enough. Knowing is only half the battle.
I know I may appear to be limping along under the radar on a tank full of fumes, but the signs have been growing that what is coming is very nearly here. I see the geopolitics being played in this 'west vs everybody else' game as violence hits the streets of Africa, the middle East, the Mediterranean and eastern Europe, Venezuela, Thailand, and anywhere else 'the hunt for the real terrorists ' ends up. I know who sold our future at negative interest rates in favor of further rigging to roulette marble to continue spinning over a wheel populated solely of double zeros on a betting field containing no zeros at all.
Not that it makes any sense at all to watch the wolves gobble up a currency with no value merely to win the title 'king of the mountain' when the truth of that vista is to look down at your legs knee-deep in fly-infested shit and decomposing corpses of those too long dead to envy your victory.
But then, I suppose my discomfort level was not put in place to compel me to play roulette to begin with.
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