Thursday, 9 February 2012

"I need my pain"

I have begun to realize that despite all the bad (and occasionally fake) NEWS that I read. I am not getting as wound up as I used to... There's plenty to be annoyed with but yet not even the faintest chemical reaction, or precursor to emotional overwhelmedness that I have come to expect from my routine...

Have I worn it out? Is that even possible? When the only driving force I had has been my hatred of the system and my contempt for those at it's controls is gone, what is left?

Has it all become so predictable that I was ready and even expecting what the NEWS had to say (or what the fake NEWS had to hide)? If so, should I not now be one with time itself and predict what comes next? Unfortunately, it seemingly does not work as such. I appear to only be channeling the subconscious undercurrent, the shadow of images I don't yet recognize until I am able to focus and comprehend that the nightmare is now walking among reality.

But that said, does this not imminently predict that I will not see the evil approaching until I am to close to avoid it? And, having already implicated the emptiness left by the loss of hatred and contempt will I be doomed to try and fight it?

Maybe that isn't my path. Maybe my path that of a chameleon prancing straight into the heart of darkness from which the torch of hope shall be lit to guide others with the strength to stab at the inhuman blackness to strike their target dead. There is still glory and honour in that.

Wherever my path takes me, I am ready to face it without fear or regret. And maybe somewhere along the way my hatred, contempt, pain, and torment will catch up with me and change destiny itself.


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